Tonight

Tonight was a perfect night I don't want to forget.  I had a crummy day feeling sick and tired.  Trevor, being the wise husband he is, talked me into going to the pool to get out of the house.  It was just what I needed to get my energy back up and I had fun swimming with Kirra who had been locked inside all day.  When I got back Trevor had picked up the house and had dinner on the stove.  He turned on the music which turned into a night of dancing and family fun.  I was able to sit down with my two loves and share a family meal which we haven't done in months due to my lack of appetite.  Finally while Trevor was perfecting his desert I read a few books to Kirra before bed.  I decided to lay down with her to help her fall asleep (something I usually don't like to do).  She grabbed my hand and locked her fingers with mine.  Every now and then I would open my eyes to see if she was sleeping and she would be staring at me with a huge smile across her face.  She would kiss my cheek, giggle, and close her eyes again.  When she finally fell asleep I just wanted to stare at her cute little face all night long.  If I could freeze a few life moments, this night would be one of them.

Joys of Parenthood

A few months ago we were out to dinner with my brother and sister in law and my brother in law asked me about the good and the bad of being a parent.  At the time it was one of those days where Kirra had been pushing my buttons and the only thing I could think to say is "DON'T DO IT!"  I had a list a mile long of all the hard parts of parenthood.  It did get me thinking though.  What are the joys of parenthood?  I have been asking myself that question each day and each day I find a new reason why I love being a mom to my sweet baby girl.

1.  I get to experience the world for the first time again!  I love watching Kirra's face light up when we take her to a new place or her face cringe when she tries a new food she doesn't like.  I love watching her twirl and bob her head when she hears a new song she likes.  I love her expressions when we take her to new toy store for the first time.  Each new thing makes life a little more fun and makes me want to find something else new for her to experience.

2.  Baby snuggles are the best!!  I love when my little girl curls up next to me and I can hold her in my arms.  When she was fresh it happened a lot more often but now those times are hard to come by and I cherish each moment she rests her little head on my chest.

3.  I love hearing her say a new word for the first time.  Probably the most exciting for me was "mama" although now I definitely think she over uses that word.  Recently she has been saying all kids of new words. I love when we can't really understand her and she has to repeat herself a few times.  My new favorite is when she came out of her room after a long nap with crazy bed hair and said, "Mamma, I seep good."  She is starting to communicate so well.  I love how each day we get closer to having real conversations.

4.  I love reading books with her.  First of all I really enjoy reading books with pictures again.  I love how we can never read enough books.  We can read every book in the house before bed and she will still ask for one more and pick her favorite to read again.

5.  I love her giggles.  The first time we heard her laugh was so exciting.  We would do whatever it took to hear those sounds come out of her mouth.  I love when she hears us laughing and starts laughing herself just to be part of the fun.  I love how she giggles at EVERYTHING her daddy does.  I love that sometimes she says, "mama tittle(tickle) me!"   She has the cutest most infectious laugh.

6.  People are nicer to you when you have kids.  I seriously cannot believe how many more smiles we get now for strangers.  How many people stop to talk to us or start a conversation with Kirra.  I even get lollipops from the Bank now and they always give me two.  Without Kirra I don't even get one.

7.  She brings out the best in me!  I think Kids are amazing teachers.  She says hi to EVERY single person we pass.  It reminds me to be more friendly and generous with my smiles.  She says I love you and kisses me multiple times a day.  It reminds me to show love towards my family as often as I can.  She runs to the door full of excitement when daddy gets home.  It reminds me to get excited about the little things each day.  She forgives me instantly when I make a mistake.  It reminds me how wonderful the gift of forgiveness is.

8.  Dressing a baby is extremely fun.  You can put them in the craziest silliest outfits and everyone still thinks they are cute.  You can dress vicariously through them.  I love to put Kirra in clothes that I would wear myself because she usually looks better in them.  And lets face it.  Everything is cuter when its smaller.

9.  Feeling needed.  I love how I feel a purpose every day.  A purpose to protect, to nourish, to love, to teach, to comfort.  I even secretly love that she sneaks in our room every night because she needs to feel secure.  It can be overwhelming at times being needed so much but it is also such a wonderful feeling to know that someone needs me every day.

10.  I love having a little piece of me and Trevor all bundled up into one person.  Mostly I like the Trevor part of her.  I love how sometimes she looks like me and sometimes she looks like him.  I love that we created something so perfect.  I love how every accomplishment she has somehow feels like one of our own accomplishments as well.  I love (and hate) how having a kid sometimes feels like a second chance to do things different or better.  Even though I really want to let her make her own decisions and I know she will anyway,  I like that there is a chance for her to make better choices than I did and I totally see why parents freak out so much when their kid chooses to not go to college or to marry someone that isn't right for them.

Parenthood definitely has its challenges.  I think it is important to know that you will face those challenges no matter how good your baby is.  It is important to know that once you start, you are committed for the rest of your life.  There are days when I envy newly wed couples who get to travel and their only attention is for each other.  But I wouldn't trade my Kirra for any amount of freedom in the world. The best choices I ever made were Trevor and Kirra (and soon to be baby boy).